When I was at university, a good friend of mine told me that she’d never had sex sober. This was a real shock to me at the time, but it makes sense really; it takes time to feel truly comfortable with someone, to open yourself up that way. To some, sexual anxiety is a serious problem, and makes forging sexual relationships extremely difficult.
Let’s face it, a lot of people don’t like talking about sex. I’ve touched on the importance of being open about your sexuality before in my article on ‘breaking the taboo’ about masturbation, and I’m going to discuss it again here, as I believe communication is key to creating a positive bedroom environment.
It took me a long time to realise that members of the other sex can’t read your mind (shocking I know), but as soon as I begun to accept this, I realised that I had to communicate with them to let them know what I wanted, and to find out what they wanted. When once upon a time, if there was a problem, I would ignore it (hoping it would magically go away), I now realised that problems can be overcome by discussing them, no matter how embarrassing it might seem at first.
Nowadays, I love a good chat about the ol’ horizontal tango (can I get a high-five for managing to use that term twice in one week on this blog?!) and I think all girls need a friend they can talk to about this stuff. It’s natural, we all do it, and how else will you know if that weird-thing-that-guy-did-last-week is really weird or not?!
For those who find it really difficult to speak about sex, there’s always the old fashioned ‘writing it down’. This can be easier as you don’t necessarily have to see the other person’s reactions and it can be very cathartic to put things down on paper.
This doesn’t just count when discussing problems with a partner. Many of us find it difficult to go see their GP. Though I would always suggest the first port of call is your doctor, for those who do suffer with sexual issues and would rather not, there are confidential online pharmacies such as Click Pharmacy where you can find solutions as well as advice.
Here are some of my tips for creating a positive bedroom environment through communication…
- You have the right to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ at any point and never apologise. This applies to both men and women, in a relationship or not.
- Nobody can read your mind; don’t expect them to know how you feel unless you tell them.
- There is usually a cause for most problems, by finding out what it is and working together, you can solve the problem.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
- The longer you’re in a relationship with someone, the easier this will be; don’t expect it to happen over-night.
- The best sex you’ll ever have is with someone you can be yourself with.
Do you have any other tips for creating positivity in the bedroom?
*This was a collaborative post but all communication-love my own*