Life: On Childhood Dreams

on childhood dreams

When I was a kid I wanted to be an actress. Nothing else.

I went to drama classes, I went to stage school in my spare time and I practiced alone more than anyone will ever know. I was pretty good, and I got a lot of A grades.

I dreamt of studying drama in London, of acting in plays, in feeling free, and being myself, no matter who tried to put me down and no matter how I felt about myself.

Now I work in a job that didn’t even exist when I was a kid. Hell, my job probably didn’t even exist five years ago. It’s kind of odd.

They say that the kids of the 1920’s were the ‘Lost Generation’. Well I think my generation is the new ‘Lost Generation’. We were brought up being told we were the future, that we were the ones who could make a difference; we were important. Then came along technology. I can remember getting a computer for the first time, and in just a few years, computers had taken over our lives. Now I work in a job that Google has created, for a company, because of computers.

I don’t feel free at all.

And the worst thing? Everyone who is doing the same job seems to be younger than me.

I know so many lost people my age. We are stuck between the old and the new; we are too advanced to be like the older generation, and we are too behind to catch up with the younger generation.

I sometimes wonder if anyone else feels like I do, or if it’s just me.

I’m not complaining; I get to spend my day writing which I love, and I’m lucky to be in the position I am, but it just feels strange to be doing something that didn’t even exist when I was growing up.

I guess I just feel sad for that little girl who just wanted to be an actress.